the friend.

So another little ramble. I think i was really silly to ever think that my boyfriend might have had a thing for one of his really close girlfriends, but when we argued i told him that i think she had a thing for him and blablabla when i definately shouldn't have done that. i had word vomit sooo majorly that weekend that i let a whole lot of stuff spill.. but it felt good, until i straightened out a bit and realised that maybe what i wrote was right and what i said was right but he takes things in an interesting way. a way that i've never really seen someone take words in. He's a little bit dyslexic to be fair but he hasn't opened up to me about any of it.. it's like its just been brushed under the carpet and forgotten about until maybe i decide to lift up the carpet and hoover underneath.. You know what i'm saying.

Thing is, is that maybe i'm in love. Maybe i'm not. i don't know. I think i'm in love with LIFE :)
It's beautiful. its a beautiful thing, experience, feeling... I just can't get enough of it. But i need something or someone to slap me around the face and be like HELLOOOO YOUR ALIVE. i want to feel the blood pump through my veins and from my head to my little toots. I just need something to get my adrenalin going.. Hmmmm..

I went out looking for work today.. was good, kind of. i don't know what i want to do though. i know that anything will do, but i know a few people that just get an anything job but then when do they get into a proper job!?

Ah. i'm so besides myself....

I'm just blabbering and lots of different things pop into my head when i'm just typing.
The past 2 years i also kind have abandoned my friends, well i didn't mean to but i guess thats what it kind of looks like but i didn't mean to..

*OVER PROTECTIVE BOYFRIENDS* soooo unlike me. Definately not my kind of thing. But i love him for it and i accepted that about him. But i'm not sure what he accepted about me and my needs.
Hmmm.....